Too much "me" time?

So recently the hubs and I have had a few "discussions" about how I should balance my time.  My job as a Catering Sales Manager can be pretty time consuming as it is, which leaves little room for other activities aside from family time...even on some weekends.  The time at work alone has already caused some tension, but hey, if you want me to help provide for the family, then don't complain about my job --- let's face it, I'm not stripping, I'm not doing anything illegal, and I'm actually doing something I enjoy, so what gives with the attitude?

Anywho, because my job has been a little bit more demanding lately, it makes it that much harder for me to enjoy a happy hour here and there or even go to the gym without hearing "Why aren't you coming home to your family?".  I don't get it... I am not trying to avoid my family by any means...I LOVE being with my family, but if all I did was bust my as catering (literally) to my clients at work and then catering to my family, I would go insane.  Even the world's best moms & supermom's need their "me" time...So how much "me" time is allowed?

Just recently a younger coworker asked if I would go to Happy Hour with her and I knew that unless I was leaving work early, I would not be able to justify coming home late again to the hubs (and by late, I mean an hour later).  This coworker is like a little sister and is actually our babysitter, so I feel really bad that she's practically been begging me to hang out with her outside of work and outside of seeing me before I leave the house.  When I asked Commander Hubs if it would be OK...his response was, "Party Time is for the Weekends". OK - I understand that, but I'm not trying to party, I'm going to have a drink with a colleague...

To make it even harder, in my profession, networking is everything...it really isn't what you know, it is who you know and who knows you, so there are times when WORK calls for me to go to a networking event, but to Comm. Hubs, I'm out partying.  So it has gotten to the point where when I truly just want to enjoy a glass of wine or two with a friend and catch up, I feel like I'm neglecting my family and choosing them over my duties as a mother and a wife...is that the case? I truly am conflicted because on one hand, I know that I need my girl time (none of my friends have kids, so play dates are not an option and I would like to have girltime away from my husband and son running around), but on the other I feel like I do not have enough time to balance it all...

Superwoman powers would be greatly appreciate...kthanks.

BodyBugg

Now that work has calmed down a little bit and I can get back to somewhat of a routine, I am going to start on another one of my resolutions: lose weight.  I did a great job of getting thinner before the wedding, but after the honeymoon, holidays and hectic work schedule, the pounds were put back on.

In order to stay a little more motivated (as if having my toddler constantly squeezing my belly fat wasn't enough), my mom and I have created a little "wager" if you will. Really it's not a bet, but more like "if you get to your goal by this time, I'll reward you with and if you don't you owe me this".  Because she weighs more than me, she will lose more weight faster than I will; so essentially we couldn't have the same amount to lose.  Instead, she has a certain number to reach by my birthday (June 5) and I have a certain number to reach as well.  We will have our own little version of Biggest Loser going on...

For Christmas, Isaac bought me an iPod that has a pedometer, so I've been wanting to start running (especially since another goal of mine this year is to run a 1/2 marathon - which my mom and I plan on doing together as well).  Even though the pedometer is great, I wanted something else that would help me calculate my calorie intake as well as measure the amount of calories I am losing in a day (not just when I am walking or running, but lifting weights, walking stairs, etc).  After doing the research, I decided to go with the BodyBugg (the same weightloss tool they use on the Biggest Loser).  The fact that it was on sale helped a lot too!

Today was my first day truly wearing the Bugg and it was also my first time exercising at the Y.  After this, I am so totally motivated and excited!!! Not only was the "Go Session" at the Y very informative and helped me develop a routine, but actually seeing my results from the BodyBugg when I got home made me even more determined.  I've also realized it's not going to be easy.  The great thing about the BodyBugg is that it comes with an online program that based on your lifestyle and goals, will tell you what you should be eating, how many calories a day to eat, how many calories a day to burn and how much weight you need to lose in a week to reach your goal.  I am very motivated my numbers....I love to play with numbers (I swear I should've been an accountant or something), so seeing that really puts it in perspective for me.

That being said, I am proud to say that I did in fact burn more calories than consumed today, but unfortunately I consumed more calories than my target so my total Calorie Deficit was just a little short.  To make it even worse, I was hoping that I would fall short on my calorie consumption because I am still STARVING!!! I think that will be the hardest part is adjusting my eating style.  I eat pretty healthy and was surprised to find that my typical meal plan is pretty much the same as what the BodyBugg program suggested, but in order to reach my weightloss goal by the date I want to, I have to eat less :(

Working Moms Take a Stand!

The other day while driving to work, I was listening to the local Christian music station and something came on about finances and being a parent...Basically it was stating, do not worry so much about money because when you do, both parents are working and then you have to deal with the guilt of not being at home with your kids...Ok so as if it isn't hard enough knowing that, it doesn't help to hear someone else say "you shouldn't be doing that", but then it got me thinking...why should I feel guilty for doing what I can to help provide for my family and knowing my son is having more fun at daycare than he would if we were sitting at home together.

A lot of mother's these days are working moms and yet there are still so many expectations placed on them. If the role of the man/father is to be the breadwinner and provide for the family and the woman/mother's role is to take care of the house and children, why is that when the woman decides to help out, she's still expected to do more?

I'm not necessarily complaining, because my husband does help out a lot, but at the same time, when the topic of me staying home is brought up he gets angry and says he refuses me to be a lazy stay at home mom (to be clear: I do NOT think that stay at home moms are lazy in any way, that is strictly HIS point of view and NOT mine). But I do think that working mom should be shown a little more appreciation...we're going beyond our "natural calling" by helping to provide financially as well. I don't understand why it's OK for a man to work long hours, come home and want to relax, but when a woman does it, she's neglecting her family?

I enjoy my job, it may be reeeeaaaalllly stressful and annoying at times, it might not be the most lucrative industry and it may keep me away from my family more than I'd like, but if I have to pitch in financially, I am going to be doing what I went to school for and what I like to do. I don't like being told "why would you want to be a Stay At Home Mom when you went to college and got a degree"...Well if I worked so hard in college and got a degree, why would I want to work in an industry outside of that?

I know life isn't always fair, but this is my blog, so I can state what I want...That being said:

• It's not fair that a woman/mom is expected to do all the childcare, so that when a man does it, he's really going above and beyond. I enjoy it, I enjoy taking care of my son, but sometimes I need a break too.
• It's not fair that when I work long hours, I'm made to feel guilty
• It's not fair that when I do want a break and "me" time, I'm made to feel guilty as well and feel like I'm "leaving" my family.
• It's not fair that I have the pressure of helping to provide financially, but the way I choose to do so is not good enough because of the hours and the fact that it's not a lucrative industry.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like the women/working moms have a lot more expectations than men. Men are expected to provide financially for the family...what else?

Women/Working moms have to:

Work 40 hours a week to help provide for the family

Do the shopping

Do the laundry

Do the cleaning

Makes sure her family is eating healthy and living a healthy live

Stay in Shape

And not that this is a bad thing by any means, but majority of the time, a child wants mommy, so no matter how tired you are or worn out you are, you get up and you're there for your child.

I love being a mom more than anything and am not complaining in any way about my duties as a mother, I am simply stating that mommy's need a break too and deserve it more than once a year.

Working mom's are strong and independent women... We work because we want to help provide financially for our families, we work because we want to pay our own bills. Men should appreciate the fact that we aren't marrying them and then making them pay for our debts. Women are supposed to be appreciative of the work their men do for them to have a good lives...we are, but ya know men aren't the only ones doing something, so it'd be nice if we were shown a little more appreciation as well.

"home" sick

As a child when you are away from your home and family for a certain period of time, getting homesick is almost inevitable...When you're a teenager, you can't wait to get out of home...and as an adult, you create your own home. As an adult with your own home and family, is it still OK to get "homesick"?

My husband and I come from very different backgrounds so we both have very different views on family life. My family is very outspoken, obnoxious at times, flighty, large, and disfunctional...His immediate family is small, quiet (with the exception of my sister-in-law - which makes me love her that much more) and they talk almost every day. Because of that, certain things our families do with annoy one of us because we don't understand. So that being said, when I say I miss my "home" or family, Isaac likes to remind me that my home is here in Orlando with him and Aiden and that they are my family. Nothing could be more true, but my brothers and sisters still mean the world to me and even though I have my Own home and my Own family, anywhere there is family is home.

I am the oldest of 7 and my youngest sibling is 6...there is a huge gap in ages and I have missed a lot of their childhood. In addition to that, one of my brothers is in jail, so I haven't seen him since 2005 or 2006...Because there are so many of us and majority of the kids are in still in school (high school, middle school and elementary) and my dad works full-time, I don't see them that often and when I do, it is very rushed and chaotic... To this day, I can't think of a time that BOTH of my parents have come to visit me by themselves...without ANY of the kids. They usually come down separately because of schedules and what not.

As a teenager, I couldn't wait to get out of the house and away from my siblings...typical for a teenage girl who was tired of babysitting and seeing them get treated better than I did at that age, but now as an adult with a son of my own, I miss them more than ever. I have always been an emotional & nurturing person, I was always a second mother to them and now I can't believe how much they are growing up and how much I am missing it.

Isaac doesn't get it because when we do go visit them, they aren't even home half the time and when they are, it is almost pure chaos...but thats my family. We put the "fun" in dysfunctional and it is a beautiful disaster.

Jared and I were best buddies growing up, my mom and his dad met when I was 3 and he was 2.5...we were inseparable and had so much fun together...maybe not so much when we got to middle school & high school because we were both so different then, but we have been through so much together and it pains me that he took that path that he did and has missed so much. It pains me that he hasn't met his nephew and that he missed my wedding...but more than ever, it pains me that he doesn't have the confidence in himself that he should...

Joshua Franklin - Josh - was born when I was 7...I remember the night my mom came home from the hospital with him. My mom was on the couch and some ninja/dragon movie was on TV and I held him for the first time. I remember the time my parents were taking a nap leaving Jared and I with Josh...he desperately needed to be changed and so being the "big girl" that I was at the age of 7, decided to change it myself and my mom was so mad when she found that I had used almost the whole box of wipes to clean up his poop. I remember so many phases with Josh...Lion King, him peeing on my 6th grade crush at my birthday party just before I was about to pour my heart out to him, his humping phase (thank God that went away), his cussing phase, dropping him off at daycare and me being late to school because of it, when he became my mom's little "princess" and would spy on me and my friends, the "she's looking at me!" stage...So much about my first real LITTLE brother (I say real, because Jared is only 4 months younger than me...I didn't have that much authority over him). And now...he's 17 years old! He's out partying and doing the things I did in high school (I am cringing at the thought of it). He's "heftier", taller than me, getting into trouble, dating and looking at colleges (please go to UCF!). He's so much like me in so many ways and I wish I could be there for him through everything...

Nicholas George - Nick - was born with jaundice (as I was too) and was constantly under the sunlight when he came home. I remember my mom bringing him home, carrying him up the stairs and placing his carseat on the couch so that he could absorb the sun. Nick surprised us all when his little strands of strawberry blonde hair started popping up (we're all dirty blondes). When Josh was born, he looked a lot like my mom, and now Nick looked just like my dad. He had (and still has) these beautiful big brown eyes with long eyelashes. He instantly drew in everyone's attention because he was our little unique bundle of joy. While Josh went through a bratty stage and became very independent, Nick was always the lovey one. Nick was the affectionate one. He loved to give hugs and kisses. And I loved that...I loved taking care of him and reading him bedtime stories. Anytime I see the show Blues Clues or Big Comfy Couch, I think of Nick and his shy little smile. As he got older, he and Josh did start to scheme together and would constantly sneak out and crash my bondfire parties. Nick is now the tallest member of my family and is so skinny - well I guess I should say lean. Josh is shorter and heftier and Nick is tall and lean :) He's so quiet now when we're all together and I feel like I don't know him that well anymore...Josh will call me when he is upset or has a problem or even just to say hi...but Nick keeps to himself. I love him so much and miss him and miss being his big sissy that he would love on. I know he's a teenage boy, but I don't want to drift apart.

After living with 3 boys, I was beginning to think I would never get a sister and then finally Miss Olivia entered our world. Olivia was born during a rough year for me and for my family. Olivia was born in March 1998 and a couple of weeks before, I found out my cousins and uncle had died in a tornado here in Central Florida...At that same time, my family was preparing for a big move from Florida to Tennessee where my dad had purchased a dealership. Because of the move and my mom being so close to her due date, she went up to TN while I stayed in FL to attend the funeral . Because so much was going on that year of my life (I was in 6th grade moving to a new state where I knew nobody and had just lost one of my close cousins), I don't remember much about that first year of Olivia...However, one of my earliest memories of Miss O is when one of my friends and I had to watch her one afternoon. She wasn't a year old yet, but wasn't a newborn either...anyways, my friend Bridgett and I went to change her diaper and she was screaming bloody murder! I'll never forget her kicking her legs and screaming (making it sooooo difficult to change her) and me thinking to myself "OMG this little girl is such a brat!!!" Well Olivia held true to that for a while...I swear she should have been a Gemini because she is so much like me. One minute she's this sweet loving and caring angel and the next she's this demanding, bitchy diva. She's actually the one sibling that I want to hurry up and grow older so that I can relate to her more. She's 12 years old and I'm 24...When I hear her complaining about her friends or boys, my advice isn't the type she can easily understand or what she wants to hear. I know though that as she does get older, we will definitely get closer and I can't wait.

So you'd think my parents would stop at 5 kids...butttttt no. I remember when my mom told me she was pregnant and we got in a fight...I was entering my freshman year of high school and knew that it would now be spent with MORE babysitting! I mean for a teenage girl, freshman year is huge! She sat me down on my bed and talked to me about how we had to get through this together...Not things that a 15 year old girl wants to hear. I feel bad because all throughout the pregnancy, I was pretty bitchy to her...but again I was 15, life revolved around me obviously. When Michael (Jr.) was born, I wasn't exactly thrilled to meet the 4th boy that was going to "ruin my life". To this day, I regret my attitude because in the first picture of Michael and I together, I have this half ass smile like "great...another kid for ME to take care of". After he came home though, I felt like we had this instant connection. Michael went through a couple of respiratory issues and had to have nebulizer treatments constantly (had Aiden not had similar issues, I probably wouldn't have remembered the name of the "oxygen machine"). We immediately dubbed Michael "Mister". He had a body like a little man and as he got older, he acted like one. He was so cute...At the age of 10, we now call him our Teddy Bear. He's our stocky good ol' country boy.

As my high school graduation approached, my mind was focused on college and the car I would drive down to college... Being the owner of a dealership, my dad had promised me a new car (a brand of his dealership) as a graduation gift. One day I had to go get a CTScan done (can't remember why) and as I was talking to my mom about the type of car I wanted to get for graduation, she slyly says "well I can think of another gift you're gonna get and its not a car"...something about the way she said it made me immediately realize it wasn't a present I was asking for. After going through 4 pregnancies with my mom, this tone sounded all too familiar...I immediately started counting the months until my graduation and felt a knot tightening in my stomach once I realized that my graduation was exactly 9 months away... As the nurse called for me, I walked up like a zombie with my mom and then turned and blurted "OMG you're pregnant"...with a deer in headlights look, she stuttered "Ok good luck, I'll see you when you get out...". As soon as I walked out, I was afraid to hear what my mom had to say...and as I expected, she was pregnant. I don't remember what was said, but I remember yelling at her and storming off to my car crying and called my best friend and said "What is the worst thing that could happen???" Of course they thought I was about to say I was pregnant, but instead it was my mom. I was more upset because here I was about to be 18 and leave for college and instead of being sad about losing a child, she was just bringing another one in. One that I wouldn't have the opportunity to watch grow because I was moving to another state. Nathan's birth was different than the rest because this was the first time I was in the delivery room with my mom. She had asked me to be there and that meant a lot to me. I think that and the fact that I knew I didn't have much time with him, made me instantly attached to him. Nathan was and still is our little monkey. Nathan is now 6 and it is surreal to me...When I left, Nathan was a baby, so seeing how much he's grown up just amazes me, but saddens me at the same time because I missed so much.

I love all my brothers and my sister so much....they each have something different to bring to the table and I look forward to the days we get to spend more time together and talk more often. I truly miss my chaotic family every now and then because that is what I am USED to. My family may not be perfect, my family may give me and everyone else headaches, but I can deal with it because that's what I know. I love them all and miss them so much.

Phase 1 Complete

I need to go mobile with this in order to keep up with my blogging...there are times I catch myself thinking to myself a subject and wanting to write about it, but then it goes away because I do not have access right then and there.

Well as a little catch up...I have completed phase 1 of one of my resolutions (because I have 4 cards that I need to pay off, paying off 1 would be considered phase 1). Recently Isaac and I received an unexpected check from the bank...this being due to the fact that within our first year, our value went down and so did our taxes, we had over paid in Escrow... So with this pleasant little surprised, we debated on ways to spend it....furniture for the house, housework, yardwork, vacation, etc...after arguing that we could spend the money vs. putting it away, a little trip to Target changed it all.

For those of you that know my husband, Isaac...he is a huge techy...always up to date with the latest technology trends and even if he doesn't like a product 100% he likes to play and test them out. So while in Target one night getting groceries, we ended up in the electronic section, specifically near the iPads...

Isaac has been holding out for the Palm Pad since the iPad came out and Palm gave any sign of creating one; however, he needed a quick fix: purchase an iPad. So since we had that money, we decided we would each spend the same amount and put the rest in savings. After going back in forth between a camera, new laptop, home goods or shopping spree, I finally realized that there wasn't anything that I absolutely had to have and decided to pay off a credit card.

Ah it feels good...I'm this much closer to getting the rest paid off!!!

Ah Saturday morning.... every day of each week I look forward to getting to sleep in and just relax. Pancakes have been made, coffee has been consumed and now I'm sitting and relaxing on the couch catching up on my E! News. I have so much I should get done, but I'm too tired to get up yet, so I resort to blogging.

Right after the New Year rings in many people jump on the bandwagon to go to the gym and lose weight...although that is one of my resolutions, I haven't made it top on my priority. Instead I've been reading "Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage" and bringing God into my life more so than I have been. Instead of making it my top priority to get fit and toned on the outside, I'm working on getting fit emotionally and spiritually. So far since reading this book, I've learned alot about myself and things I didn't realize I was doing to harm my relationships. I can already see the impact it's had on me and I'm already starting to feel much better about myself.

Although 2011 hasn't started out easy (my great grandmother passed away, work has been unbelievably busy and I haven't had much time to workout), I do feel great about this year because I am going into this year with God by my side and a positive attitude. I also have been blessed to have an old friend come back into my life. Kerri was my best friend in college and after 2 years of not talking I finally decided to reach out to her once more and she was very receptive. We had dinner and drinks one night and it felt just like it did before. After not speaking for 2 years, I got used to not having her to call or talk to when something would happen so I'm still getting used to it :) but I couldn't be happier about it!

Well I guess I better get up now and get some things done around the house since I have work this evening (blah). Have a great weekend!

Resolutions

I am publicly stating my resolutions in hopes that it will keep me motivated knowing others are now expecting something.

Some of these are repeats and totally cliche, but here goes:

Put God first. I've tried to get Isaac and I to go to church and because he would complain and huffnpuff over it, I gave in. I put Isaac first. I put everything else first and I shouldn't. Aside from just going to church, I want to start reading my study bible again and the books I've been given by a good friend.

Lose 20 pounds by the end of the year. Sounds like a lot, but I've got a whole year and we did just sign up at the YMCA. I would really like Isaac and I to set a "Fit Night". This will be hard at times with my work schedule, but I just want to make sure we go at least once a week.

Be a better "Housewife". Although I am a full-time working mom, I feel like sometimes I put more energy into my job than I do my house.

Pay off my credit cards! I've already done the math and this should definitely be accomplished by the end of the year!

Be a better blogger :)

There are many other things I would like to accomplish, but a lot of those kind of spin off my resolutions. At least I've already started one of my resolutions - to be a better blogger :) and to help continue, I hope to give updates regarding my resolutions.

I guess I better get on the whole taking care of the house thing though considering I only have a few hours left of the weekend :(