Working Moms Take a Stand!

The other day while driving to work, I was listening to the local Christian music station and something came on about finances and being a parent...Basically it was stating, do not worry so much about money because when you do, both parents are working and then you have to deal with the guilt of not being at home with your kids...Ok so as if it isn't hard enough knowing that, it doesn't help to hear someone else say "you shouldn't be doing that", but then it got me thinking...why should I feel guilty for doing what I can to help provide for my family and knowing my son is having more fun at daycare than he would if we were sitting at home together.

A lot of mother's these days are working moms and yet there are still so many expectations placed on them. If the role of the man/father is to be the breadwinner and provide for the family and the woman/mother's role is to take care of the house and children, why is that when the woman decides to help out, she's still expected to do more?

I'm not necessarily complaining, because my husband does help out a lot, but at the same time, when the topic of me staying home is brought up he gets angry and says he refuses me to be a lazy stay at home mom (to be clear: I do NOT think that stay at home moms are lazy in any way, that is strictly HIS point of view and NOT mine). But I do think that working mom should be shown a little more appreciation...we're going beyond our "natural calling" by helping to provide financially as well. I don't understand why it's OK for a man to work long hours, come home and want to relax, but when a woman does it, she's neglecting her family?

I enjoy my job, it may be reeeeaaaalllly stressful and annoying at times, it might not be the most lucrative industry and it may keep me away from my family more than I'd like, but if I have to pitch in financially, I am going to be doing what I went to school for and what I like to do. I don't like being told "why would you want to be a Stay At Home Mom when you went to college and got a degree"...Well if I worked so hard in college and got a degree, why would I want to work in an industry outside of that?

I know life isn't always fair, but this is my blog, so I can state what I want...That being said:

• It's not fair that a woman/mom is expected to do all the childcare, so that when a man does it, he's really going above and beyond. I enjoy it, I enjoy taking care of my son, but sometimes I need a break too.
• It's not fair that when I work long hours, I'm made to feel guilty
• It's not fair that when I do want a break and "me" time, I'm made to feel guilty as well and feel like I'm "leaving" my family.
• It's not fair that I have the pressure of helping to provide financially, but the way I choose to do so is not good enough because of the hours and the fact that it's not a lucrative industry.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like the women/working moms have a lot more expectations than men. Men are expected to provide financially for the family...what else?

Women/Working moms have to:

Work 40 hours a week to help provide for the family

Do the shopping

Do the laundry

Do the cleaning

Makes sure her family is eating healthy and living a healthy live

Stay in Shape

And not that this is a bad thing by any means, but majority of the time, a child wants mommy, so no matter how tired you are or worn out you are, you get up and you're there for your child.

I love being a mom more than anything and am not complaining in any way about my duties as a mother, I am simply stating that mommy's need a break too and deserve it more than once a year.

Working mom's are strong and independent women... We work because we want to help provide financially for our families, we work because we want to pay our own bills. Men should appreciate the fact that we aren't marrying them and then making them pay for our debts. Women are supposed to be appreciative of the work their men do for them to have a good lives...we are, but ya know men aren't the only ones doing something, so it'd be nice if we were shown a little more appreciation as well.

"home" sick

As a child when you are away from your home and family for a certain period of time, getting homesick is almost inevitable...When you're a teenager, you can't wait to get out of home...and as an adult, you create your own home. As an adult with your own home and family, is it still OK to get "homesick"?

My husband and I come from very different backgrounds so we both have very different views on family life. My family is very outspoken, obnoxious at times, flighty, large, and disfunctional...His immediate family is small, quiet (with the exception of my sister-in-law - which makes me love her that much more) and they talk almost every day. Because of that, certain things our families do with annoy one of us because we don't understand. So that being said, when I say I miss my "home" or family, Isaac likes to remind me that my home is here in Orlando with him and Aiden and that they are my family. Nothing could be more true, but my brothers and sisters still mean the world to me and even though I have my Own home and my Own family, anywhere there is family is home.

I am the oldest of 7 and my youngest sibling is 6...there is a huge gap in ages and I have missed a lot of their childhood. In addition to that, one of my brothers is in jail, so I haven't seen him since 2005 or 2006...Because there are so many of us and majority of the kids are in still in school (high school, middle school and elementary) and my dad works full-time, I don't see them that often and when I do, it is very rushed and chaotic... To this day, I can't think of a time that BOTH of my parents have come to visit me by themselves...without ANY of the kids. They usually come down separately because of schedules and what not.

As a teenager, I couldn't wait to get out of the house and away from my siblings...typical for a teenage girl who was tired of babysitting and seeing them get treated better than I did at that age, but now as an adult with a son of my own, I miss them more than ever. I have always been an emotional & nurturing person, I was always a second mother to them and now I can't believe how much they are growing up and how much I am missing it.

Isaac doesn't get it because when we do go visit them, they aren't even home half the time and when they are, it is almost pure chaos...but thats my family. We put the "fun" in dysfunctional and it is a beautiful disaster.

Jared and I were best buddies growing up, my mom and his dad met when I was 3 and he was 2.5...we were inseparable and had so much fun together...maybe not so much when we got to middle school & high school because we were both so different then, but we have been through so much together and it pains me that he took that path that he did and has missed so much. It pains me that he hasn't met his nephew and that he missed my wedding...but more than ever, it pains me that he doesn't have the confidence in himself that he should...

Joshua Franklin - Josh - was born when I was 7...I remember the night my mom came home from the hospital with him. My mom was on the couch and some ninja/dragon movie was on TV and I held him for the first time. I remember the time my parents were taking a nap leaving Jared and I with Josh...he desperately needed to be changed and so being the "big girl" that I was at the age of 7, decided to change it myself and my mom was so mad when she found that I had used almost the whole box of wipes to clean up his poop. I remember so many phases with Josh...Lion King, him peeing on my 6th grade crush at my birthday party just before I was about to pour my heart out to him, his humping phase (thank God that went away), his cussing phase, dropping him off at daycare and me being late to school because of it, when he became my mom's little "princess" and would spy on me and my friends, the "she's looking at me!" stage...So much about my first real LITTLE brother (I say real, because Jared is only 4 months younger than me...I didn't have that much authority over him). And now...he's 17 years old! He's out partying and doing the things I did in high school (I am cringing at the thought of it). He's "heftier", taller than me, getting into trouble, dating and looking at colleges (please go to UCF!). He's so much like me in so many ways and I wish I could be there for him through everything...

Nicholas George - Nick - was born with jaundice (as I was too) and was constantly under the sunlight when he came home. I remember my mom bringing him home, carrying him up the stairs and placing his carseat on the couch so that he could absorb the sun. Nick surprised us all when his little strands of strawberry blonde hair started popping up (we're all dirty blondes). When Josh was born, he looked a lot like my mom, and now Nick looked just like my dad. He had (and still has) these beautiful big brown eyes with long eyelashes. He instantly drew in everyone's attention because he was our little unique bundle of joy. While Josh went through a bratty stage and became very independent, Nick was always the lovey one. Nick was the affectionate one. He loved to give hugs and kisses. And I loved that...I loved taking care of him and reading him bedtime stories. Anytime I see the show Blues Clues or Big Comfy Couch, I think of Nick and his shy little smile. As he got older, he and Josh did start to scheme together and would constantly sneak out and crash my bondfire parties. Nick is now the tallest member of my family and is so skinny - well I guess I should say lean. Josh is shorter and heftier and Nick is tall and lean :) He's so quiet now when we're all together and I feel like I don't know him that well anymore...Josh will call me when he is upset or has a problem or even just to say hi...but Nick keeps to himself. I love him so much and miss him and miss being his big sissy that he would love on. I know he's a teenage boy, but I don't want to drift apart.

After living with 3 boys, I was beginning to think I would never get a sister and then finally Miss Olivia entered our world. Olivia was born during a rough year for me and for my family. Olivia was born in March 1998 and a couple of weeks before, I found out my cousins and uncle had died in a tornado here in Central Florida...At that same time, my family was preparing for a big move from Florida to Tennessee where my dad had purchased a dealership. Because of the move and my mom being so close to her due date, she went up to TN while I stayed in FL to attend the funeral . Because so much was going on that year of my life (I was in 6th grade moving to a new state where I knew nobody and had just lost one of my close cousins), I don't remember much about that first year of Olivia...However, one of my earliest memories of Miss O is when one of my friends and I had to watch her one afternoon. She wasn't a year old yet, but wasn't a newborn either...anyways, my friend Bridgett and I went to change her diaper and she was screaming bloody murder! I'll never forget her kicking her legs and screaming (making it sooooo difficult to change her) and me thinking to myself "OMG this little girl is such a brat!!!" Well Olivia held true to that for a while...I swear she should have been a Gemini because she is so much like me. One minute she's this sweet loving and caring angel and the next she's this demanding, bitchy diva. She's actually the one sibling that I want to hurry up and grow older so that I can relate to her more. She's 12 years old and I'm 24...When I hear her complaining about her friends or boys, my advice isn't the type she can easily understand or what she wants to hear. I know though that as she does get older, we will definitely get closer and I can't wait.

So you'd think my parents would stop at 5 kids...butttttt no. I remember when my mom told me she was pregnant and we got in a fight...I was entering my freshman year of high school and knew that it would now be spent with MORE babysitting! I mean for a teenage girl, freshman year is huge! She sat me down on my bed and talked to me about how we had to get through this together...Not things that a 15 year old girl wants to hear. I feel bad because all throughout the pregnancy, I was pretty bitchy to her...but again I was 15, life revolved around me obviously. When Michael (Jr.) was born, I wasn't exactly thrilled to meet the 4th boy that was going to "ruin my life". To this day, I regret my attitude because in the first picture of Michael and I together, I have this half ass smile like "great...another kid for ME to take care of". After he came home though, I felt like we had this instant connection. Michael went through a couple of respiratory issues and had to have nebulizer treatments constantly (had Aiden not had similar issues, I probably wouldn't have remembered the name of the "oxygen machine"). We immediately dubbed Michael "Mister". He had a body like a little man and as he got older, he acted like one. He was so cute...At the age of 10, we now call him our Teddy Bear. He's our stocky good ol' country boy.

As my high school graduation approached, my mind was focused on college and the car I would drive down to college... Being the owner of a dealership, my dad had promised me a new car (a brand of his dealership) as a graduation gift. One day I had to go get a CTScan done (can't remember why) and as I was talking to my mom about the type of car I wanted to get for graduation, she slyly says "well I can think of another gift you're gonna get and its not a car"...something about the way she said it made me immediately realize it wasn't a present I was asking for. After going through 4 pregnancies with my mom, this tone sounded all too familiar...I immediately started counting the months until my graduation and felt a knot tightening in my stomach once I realized that my graduation was exactly 9 months away... As the nurse called for me, I walked up like a zombie with my mom and then turned and blurted "OMG you're pregnant"...with a deer in headlights look, she stuttered "Ok good luck, I'll see you when you get out...". As soon as I walked out, I was afraid to hear what my mom had to say...and as I expected, she was pregnant. I don't remember what was said, but I remember yelling at her and storming off to my car crying and called my best friend and said "What is the worst thing that could happen???" Of course they thought I was about to say I was pregnant, but instead it was my mom. I was more upset because here I was about to be 18 and leave for college and instead of being sad about losing a child, she was just bringing another one in. One that I wouldn't have the opportunity to watch grow because I was moving to another state. Nathan's birth was different than the rest because this was the first time I was in the delivery room with my mom. She had asked me to be there and that meant a lot to me. I think that and the fact that I knew I didn't have much time with him, made me instantly attached to him. Nathan was and still is our little monkey. Nathan is now 6 and it is surreal to me...When I left, Nathan was a baby, so seeing how much he's grown up just amazes me, but saddens me at the same time because I missed so much.

I love all my brothers and my sister so much....they each have something different to bring to the table and I look forward to the days we get to spend more time together and talk more often. I truly miss my chaotic family every now and then because that is what I am USED to. My family may not be perfect, my family may give me and everyone else headaches, but I can deal with it because that's what I know. I love them all and miss them so much.

Phase 1 Complete

I need to go mobile with this in order to keep up with my blogging...there are times I catch myself thinking to myself a subject and wanting to write about it, but then it goes away because I do not have access right then and there.

Well as a little catch up...I have completed phase 1 of one of my resolutions (because I have 4 cards that I need to pay off, paying off 1 would be considered phase 1). Recently Isaac and I received an unexpected check from the bank...this being due to the fact that within our first year, our value went down and so did our taxes, we had over paid in Escrow... So with this pleasant little surprised, we debated on ways to spend it....furniture for the house, housework, yardwork, vacation, etc...after arguing that we could spend the money vs. putting it away, a little trip to Target changed it all.

For those of you that know my husband, Isaac...he is a huge techy...always up to date with the latest technology trends and even if he doesn't like a product 100% he likes to play and test them out. So while in Target one night getting groceries, we ended up in the electronic section, specifically near the iPads...

Isaac has been holding out for the Palm Pad since the iPad came out and Palm gave any sign of creating one; however, he needed a quick fix: purchase an iPad. So since we had that money, we decided we would each spend the same amount and put the rest in savings. After going back in forth between a camera, new laptop, home goods or shopping spree, I finally realized that there wasn't anything that I absolutely had to have and decided to pay off a credit card.

Ah it feels good...I'm this much closer to getting the rest paid off!!!

Ah Saturday morning.... every day of each week I look forward to getting to sleep in and just relax. Pancakes have been made, coffee has been consumed and now I'm sitting and relaxing on the couch catching up on my E! News. I have so much I should get done, but I'm too tired to get up yet, so I resort to blogging.

Right after the New Year rings in many people jump on the bandwagon to go to the gym and lose weight...although that is one of my resolutions, I haven't made it top on my priority. Instead I've been reading "Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage" and bringing God into my life more so than I have been. Instead of making it my top priority to get fit and toned on the outside, I'm working on getting fit emotionally and spiritually. So far since reading this book, I've learned alot about myself and things I didn't realize I was doing to harm my relationships. I can already see the impact it's had on me and I'm already starting to feel much better about myself.

Although 2011 hasn't started out easy (my great grandmother passed away, work has been unbelievably busy and I haven't had much time to workout), I do feel great about this year because I am going into this year with God by my side and a positive attitude. I also have been blessed to have an old friend come back into my life. Kerri was my best friend in college and after 2 years of not talking I finally decided to reach out to her once more and she was very receptive. We had dinner and drinks one night and it felt just like it did before. After not speaking for 2 years, I got used to not having her to call or talk to when something would happen so I'm still getting used to it :) but I couldn't be happier about it!

Well I guess I better get up now and get some things done around the house since I have work this evening (blah). Have a great weekend!

Resolutions

I am publicly stating my resolutions in hopes that it will keep me motivated knowing others are now expecting something.

Some of these are repeats and totally cliche, but here goes:

Put God first. I've tried to get Isaac and I to go to church and because he would complain and huffnpuff over it, I gave in. I put Isaac first. I put everything else first and I shouldn't. Aside from just going to church, I want to start reading my study bible again and the books I've been given by a good friend.

Lose 20 pounds by the end of the year. Sounds like a lot, but I've got a whole year and we did just sign up at the YMCA. I would really like Isaac and I to set a "Fit Night". This will be hard at times with my work schedule, but I just want to make sure we go at least once a week.

Be a better "Housewife". Although I am a full-time working mom, I feel like sometimes I put more energy into my job than I do my house.

Pay off my credit cards! I've already done the math and this should definitely be accomplished by the end of the year!

Be a better blogger :)

There are many other things I would like to accomplish, but a lot of those kind of spin off my resolutions. At least I've already started one of my resolutions - to be a better blogger :) and to help continue, I hope to give updates regarding my resolutions.

I guess I better get on the whole taking care of the house thing though considering I only have a few hours left of the weekend :(

A New Year!

I've realized I am a terrible blogger, so as one of my 2011 resolutions, I will try to blog more. In thinking about my 2011 resolutions, I started to reflect on the past year. 2010 was such a busy and eventful year for us that I don't even know what 2011 could bring.

We started out the year by moving into our first home (we closed on New Year's Eve and moved in on New Year's Day). While putting together our new home, I was busy trying to find a wedding venue and get the wedding planning in motion. Shortly after moving in, I accepted an offer that would help me grow in my career and shortly after that, Isaac took a new position as well. We were both thrilled to be able to moving up in our careers, but we still had to figure out the wedding plans and we also had a birthday party to plan for our son. I can't believe Aiden is two already! He had a wonderful birthday party and the planning continued. After many months of stress with the wedding and house, it all came together perfectly on November 19. Isaac and I were then able to take our first real vacation for just the two of us on our honeymoon cruise to the Eastern Caribbean.

Aside from the eventful year we had in 2010, I've also become accustomed to having an idea as to what the coming year would bring. I knew that in 2008 we'd be welcoming our baby boy, in 2009 we would begin the house hunt for our first home and I started the year out getting laid off, but thankfully finding a job that would start my career off in Hotel Sales. So now, I have no idea what to expect out of 2011. I pray that we both continue to grow in our careers and keep the jobs we have. In the meantime, we will enjoy not planning anything, enjoy putting our home together at our own leisure, continue to raise a growing and intelligent toddler and loving every minute of it and of course, being thankful for another year together. I hope 2011 brings everyone good health and fortune and that God continues to bless each of us and our families.